I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize