Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
