Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
