You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize