my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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