i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
