her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
worst night to have a conscience
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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