Can i not drive my cunt home
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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