If that was your dad, he is hot
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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