also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
