I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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