tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
