He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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