I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
