I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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