capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize