Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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