I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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