What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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