You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
