Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
