What did we do last night that was yellow?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
