just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
