the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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