remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's not a walk of shame if you run
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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