Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
