apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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