So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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