remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
