apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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