Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
