Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
