That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
