dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize