New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
