Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize