are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
