Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
