Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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