Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
