Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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