Your mouth is God's brothel.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
