this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
