Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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