Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
