I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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