Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize