How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize