They should really pass out barf bags in church
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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