he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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