Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize