i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
