When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
they're like a gay fantastic four
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
