i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
