WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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