You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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