He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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