If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
