hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
