Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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