If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
