Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
