I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
