oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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