Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
