I will die if light touches me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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