ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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