Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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