Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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