Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
