I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wish my penis had a tongue
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
