If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
