please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
