I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
